The Measureable Self-Worth...

Nothing is good enough for me.

At least that was what I thought all these years. Since puberty.

I was never pretty enough, smart enough, tall enough, fair enough…but I was slim enough. Yeah, at least that was one thing I loved myself for!!!

I had serious acne breakout since my period, that would be, when I was 11, one of the earliest to have menses. Zillions of zits not only scarred my pretty face but also my self esteem as well. Before 11 I was the most popular girl in school (as a result of my mixed parentage), had a sea of admirers, but that all changed after 11…you could guess why…

God made me discover Roaccutane (a form of Vitamin A) only when I was 23. Ouch, and the thought of how much damage since puberty would only bring me to tears. Now that my face was clear, I had other concerns. What, you ask??

And then there was my weight. In high school I was the slimmest, always the envy of friends (some a.k.a frienemies…you know how it goes…) So tiny I weighed barely 100 lbs, maybe much less. But I was one of the tallest, so a slightly tall and slender figure was naturally the talk of the class. My flat-chest-ness came along with my figure. Wasn’t really proud of that though.

But, as you know how the story goes, all good things have to come to an end. I started putting on weight when I was 20, and gained a massive 20-25 lbs my worst days. Ooh, and then it suddenly hit me that you know what they say about it’s easy to gain weight, but not quite the other way round?? I never fully understood what it meant until then…Double ouch!!

Now, at age 24, I weigh around 110 lbs. Ok, that settled, some other issues arose. At least that’s what I thought.

Then I started pondering some other fancy ideas…what if I was fairer in skin tone, had whiter teeth, got rid of those discolored part of my lips and fine lines around my gorgeous eyes? Eh…yup! Getting rid of pimples and 20 lbs were not enough…I HAD TO turn into the early days of Joan Rivers...triple OUCH!!!

Then I wondered, what would happen if I’ve gotten fairer, had whiter teeth, and restored the natural color of my lips and the first sign of wrinkles around my dazzling eyes? I’d probably go for a tummy tuck, breast augmentation, lipo, and then slowly graduate to botox and other weirdly-named substances???

Yeah my first name’s Jocelyn. But no Wildenstein.

Or whatever that feline’s named.